The Sims 4 Guides

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance


Are you a new player wondering how to give your Sim their happily-ever-after? This is the guide for you!

So you’ve made a Sim, moved them into town, made a few friends and got some promotions under their belt. What’s next? Well, some players may want to start thinking about settling down with that special someone. Others might just want to cause as much romantic drama as possible. Either way, we’re going to show you how to do exactly that!

The Basics of Sims 4 Romance

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

Before you go out looking for a date, there are some things you should know about how romance works. Some Sims may not be available romantically depending on their age, preferences, and sometimes, their relationship status as well. Some Sims who are married may be more reluctant to be romantic with anyone else unless they have the Non-Committal trait or unless they are already very close friends with your Sim.

Romance Options for different Age Groups

Teens, Young Adults, Adults, and Elders can all have romantic partners; however, teens can only be romantic with other teens. Young Adults, Adults, and Elders can all pursue romance with each other. If you don’t have any Romance options with a Sim, hover your mouse over the other Sim to double check that they are not a teen. Likewise, if you are playing a teen Sim and have no Romance options when talking to another Sim, make sure the other Sim is also a teen.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

All teen and older Sims also have their own romantic preferences, just like real people. Some Sims are only interested in romance with the same gender, others are only interested in the opposite gender. Some Sims are interested in both genders and others are not interested in romance with anyone at all. Trying to flirt with a Sim who is not interested in your Sim will always result in rejected advances, no matter what you do. If you want to know what a Sim’s romance and WooHoo preferences are, you can ask them under the Romance social category… but you should at least be friends with them, first. Acquaintances will find those questions invasive and refuse to answer you.

If a Sim’s age and preferences are compatible with your Sim, you can pursue romance with them!

Flirting in The Sims 4

All romantic relationships begin with a little flirtatious conversation. So go out and find a Sim to get your flirt on with. Perhaps your Sim is already friends with someone they want to strike up a relationship with. Awesome! It’s much easier to pursue romance with Sims that are already your friends but don’t worry if you’re lacking in the friends department; you can strike up a romance with an attractive stranger under the right conditions.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

The most important thing to remember about flirting successfully is that setting the right mood is everything. If you or your partner are in a negative emotional state, things are going to go nowhere fast. Before trying to flirt with that cute Sim at the bar, make sure your Sim’s needs are met and that the environment is ideal for romance. Things like romance music and objects with romantic auras can really set the mood. On the flip side, dirty surroundings are bound to kill the mood instantly so clean up those dirty dishes and puddles!

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

You can see if your partner’s in a good mood by looking at the conversation tab at the top of the screen. If they are Sad, Angry, Tense, Uncomfortable, Scared, Bored, or Embarrassed, try to find out why and remedy that. Or just try to override those negative emotions with friendly socials that will give them Happy moodlets to counteract their bad mood. It’s just like cheering up a friend with funny banter after a bad day! Flirty is the ideal mood for romance but any positive emotional state is a good starting point for initiating romantic conversation.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

Once the mood and the atmosphere are right, start with more lowkey advances. Simply flirt or compliment their appearance until the conversation moves from Pleasant to Flirty. Once the conversation is in Flirty territory, you can start to mix it up with slightly bolder moves, like blowing a kiss or a suave pickup line if your Sim is feeling Confident. Remember not to get too repetitive or the Sim will get bored! Try to use two different socials before using the same social again. For example, you can flirt, compliment appearance, blow a kiss, then flirt again to prevent the conversation from getting stale.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

If the conversation shifts from Flirty to Amorous, your Sim is probably in the Flirty emotion by now, which opens up even bolder flirtatious advances, like offering a rose. Flirty-specific socials are indicated with a pink marker and those have a higher chance of success. They also give bigger romance boosts. You can see how strong your romantic connection is with a Sim by looking at the conversation tab up top. If they have both a pink bar and a green bar of relationship with your Sim, you have a romantic interest! If the pink bar is a quarter full and the conversation is Amorous, now’s the time to move in for that first kiss! Maybe you could even ask to become official!

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

If things go really well and the conversation becomes Steamy, WooHoo (or Messing Around for teens) is definitely on the table. Just make sure there is a spot to get frisky somewhere on the lot!

Casual Hookups

Not everyone is interested in having a traditional monogamous romantic relationship and that’s okay, too! In The Sims 4, you can opt to have “WooHoo Partners” instead of boyfriends, girlfriends, or spouses. If your Sim is solely interested in no-strings-attached WooHoo, they can find a partner with similar interests to hookup with on a regular basis.

To find a WooHoo Partner, strike up a friendship with a Sim. Strangers might be a little wary about becoming WooHoo Partners so it’s best to build up a bit of a platonic relationship, first. Then, under the Friendly social category, choose Ask To Be WooHoo Partners. If the other Sim likes your Sim and has WooHoo preferences that are compatible with your Sim’s, they are likely to accept.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

WooHoo Partners can have casual WooHoo with each other whenever they want without romance being involved. When WooHooing under the Friendly social category, Sims won’t gain romantic relationship from WooHoo. You can keep the relationship strictly romance-free.

Teens cannot have WooHoo/Mess Around Partners. They must be in a romantic relationship with another teen in order to Mess Around.

Dating and Relationships in The Sims 4

If you’ve successfully flirted your way into someone’s heart, you can ask them to become your boyfriend or girlfriend. This will put the two of you in an official relationship… but not necessarily an exclusive one! While Sims cannot have more than one fiancé/e or spouse at a time, they can have multiple boyfriends and girlfriends. As many as you want, in fact! Sims can even have multiple boyfriends and girlfriends while engaged or married to someone else. So yes, you can be 100% monogamous… or a player in The Sims 4. Just don’t be surprised if your romantic partners aren’t happy with you if they catch you smooching someone else! Jealousy is very much a factor in The Sims 4.

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

Of course, once you’re in a relationship with someone, you’ll probably want to go on dates with them. You don’t have to be officially dating someone to go on a date with them. Any Sim with a romantic interest in your Sim may accept being asked out. You can ask a Sim out in person or call them on the phone to ask them out. If they accept, you’ll get to choose the location for the date. Public places like bars, nightclubs, lounges, parks, and museums can be great locations to have fun with your date but Sims don’t exactly understand the concept of personal space. Other Sims may decide to butt into the conversation and become a third wheel on your romantic night out. This can turn a Steamy conversation Awkward and completely kill a date instantly. If you want to guarantee privacy, choose to get cozy at home, instead.

When the date starts, you and your date will arrive together at your chosen location. Pay attention to the goals in the top left corner of the screen. Completing these will give you a higher date score and provide you with reward objects at the end depending on how well the date went. The reward for a gold level date is an ice bucket with a romantic aura! Very useful for setting the mood on future dates!

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

If at least 24 in-game hours have passed, you are in a relationship with your partner, and you have both high friendship and romance, you can even pop the big question and ask that Sim to marry you! The same rules apply; make sure the atmosphere is right and you’re both in a good mood to ensure your proposal is accepted.

Teens cannot become engaged or get married but they can exchange promise rings. Teens who exchange promise rings become Promised instead of Engaged in their relationship panel but the Promised status does not automatically change to Engaged upon aging up into a Young Adult. You will still have to propose as a Young Adult, even if you promised yourself to your partner as a teen.

Happily Ever After?

If your proposal is accepted, your relationship status will change to Engaged. You can have as long or as short an engagement as you want. You can elope right there on the spot in a spur-of-the-moment rush of excitement, or you can take your time with planning out wedding attire, choosing a venue, and deciding on food, entertainment, and the guest list. Eloping is free but a throwing a wedding will cost you $1,000.

To elope on the spot, simply click the Sim and choose Get Married. You’ll exchange vows and rings right there in whatever clothes you’re already wearing and congratulations! You now have a spouse!

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

To plan a Wedding Event, choose to Throw a Social Event on the phone and select Wedding. There are goaled Weddings and open-ended Weddings. If you want to complete goals during the wedding and potentially earn rewards, leave the Goaled Event part checked. If you just want to be free to do whatever you want during the wedding, uncheck that box when selecting a Wedding event.

You’ll be prompted to choose the location, the guests, the caterer, and the entertainer. You can select a Sim you already know for free if they are qualified to play instruments or cook at your wedding. If you don’t know any qualified Sims, you can also hire someone for a fee of $100. Cooking all the food yourself ahead of time is also an option. Make sure the location you select has a wedding arch, a fridge, counter, stove, and a musical instrument so everyone can do their jobs!

The Sims 4: A Beginner’s Guide to Romance

The only requirement to complete a wedding event is to get married under a wedding arch but if you want to get a higher score on a goaled wedding event, make sure you complete other goals like cutting the cake, making toasts, and socializing with your guests.

Once your Sims are officially married, you’ll be prompted to move in together if you aren’t already living together. We hope this is the start of a lifelong happy union… but if things aren’t working out between your Sim and their spouse, you can divorce them anytime under the Mean socials. This will severely damage the relationship and end the marriage immediately.

About the author


A cranky old lady who prefers the company of cats and Sims over people. Occasionally peeks out from her lair long enough to chuck Sims articles at innocent bystanders.

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