The Sims 4 Guides

The Sims 4 Relationships Guide: Build Strong Bonds with Your Sims!

Sims 4 Relationships Guide

How to ensure your conversations go smoothly… at least most of the time!

Just like us humans, Sims are social creatures. Even Sims with the Loner trait need to interact with others at times; they just don’t need as much social interaction as other Sims. It’s important for new players to understand how conversations work to make the most out of Sims 4 relationships.

The Sims 4 Relationships Guide

No Sim is an Island

Sims 4 Relationships
This Sim is lonely and in need of socialization with other Sims.

All Sims have a Social motive that must be kept in the green to avoid becoming Sad. Sad Sims won’t want to do many activities and will build skills and career progress slower. Some Sims will need to socialize more than others, depending on their traits.

When a Sim is feeling blue due to loneliness, it’s time to get out of the house and make some friends! Building Sims 4 relationships is the key to your Sim’s happiness.

Types of Conversations

Sims 4 Conversation
When you first meet a new Sim, the conversation will be Casual. This is the neutral state. Influence it by trying different socials!

When building Sims 4 relationships, make sure you’re paying attention to the tab at the top of the screen. It will tell you how many Sims you’re currently chatting with and how the conversation is going. This will change according to the types of interactions all Sims in the conversation choose to do.

For example, if you’re on a date with someone and the conversation is Amorous or Steamy, it might be a good opportunity to go in for that first kiss! But don’t try to make a big romantic move if another Sim buts into the conversation; that’s sure to make the conversation Awkward and your romantic advances will fall flat!

Sims 4 relationships
This Steamy Exchange ensures that our Sim’s attempt at a first kiss will be accepted.

To avoid bad conversations, don’t repeat the same social with the same Sim too often. Use at least two different socials before trying to use that social again. Being repetitive can cause the conversation to become Boring. Sims are less likely to respond well to your socials in a Boring conversation.

Try to gauge your next move based on how the conversation is going. Ease up on the romance if the conversation has become awkward and try again when the conversation moves back into a positive state. Try apologizing or calming the other Sim down if things have become heated and the conversation is Aggravating or Abhorrent. Lay on the jokes and funny impressions if you’re having a Hilarious conversation! They’re sure to go over well!

Mean Interactions in Sims 4
This conversation isn’t going well. Mean interactions have caused the conversation to become Offensive.

If the conversation is just going downhill no matter what you do and everything you try only seems to make things worse, it’s best to just walk away and allow both Sims to calm down a little before trying to connect again. Sometimes fostering Sims 4 relationships is about knowing when your Sims need some space from each other.

An Ocean of Emotions

Sims 4 relationships
A Pleasant conversation is a great starting point to take the conversation in a Flirty or Funny direction!

Remember to pay attention to your Sim’s emotions, too! Sims in negative emotional states are less likely to have fulfilling social interactions than Sims in a positive emotional state. You can see what emotion the other Sim is currently feeling by looking at the same tab in the top middle of the screen.

If you want to ask that crush of yours out on a date but they’re feeling Sad or Angry, try to cheer them up first with friendly socials like Brighten Day before striking up a flirtatious conversation and asking them out. You need to be sensitive to the other Sim’s feelings when building Sims 4 relationships.

For an in-depth breakdown of every emotion and how to get in and out of each emotion, check out our Beginner’s Guide to Emotions in The Sims 4!

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With so many packs adding new socials all the time, it can be a tedious task trying to find just the right social for the current situation. Luckily, an update back in March of 2023 made Sims 4 relationships a whole lot easier.

A revamp of the social pie menu added subcategories to help organize social interactions better. instead of having a jumble of interactions under broad Friendly, Romance, Mischief, Mean, and Funny categories, each of those categories now has subcategories of similar interactions to eliminate endless clicking.

So if your Sim is in the mood for romance and wants to go straight to the physical affection with their partner, you can click Romance > Physical Affection and under that subcategory, you’ll find all of the kissing, hugging, hand-holding, and WooHoo related socials in one place.

This kind of organization makes building Sims 4 relationships go much faster, eliminating the time you would waste clicking and searching through dozens and dozens of social interactions.

Pay Attention to Gender Preferences

Every Sim has a romantic and sexual preference and these preferences don’t always coincide with each other. A Sim you meet may be romantically interested in women but prefer WooHoo with men, for example. There are Sims who are interested in WooHoo and romance with men and women, and Sims who are not interested in romance or WooHoo with anyone.

Sims 4 relationships

On top of that, Sims can either be romantically exploring or not. So a Sim who is attracted to only men may be willing to try a relationship with a woman if they are open to romantic exploration. However, some Sims are very sure about what they like and are not open to exploring other options.

While building Sims 4 relationships, you may come across a Sim you’re interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with but their preferences may not match up with your Sim’s preferences. If you are trying to flirt with a Sim and you get a message that they aren’t interested in that type of relationship with you, there’s nothing you can do but move on. Or go into CAS and change their gender preferences.

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When building Sims 4 relationships, it’s a good idea to become friends with the Sim first, then ask about their gender preferences to make sure both Sims are on the same page about that before pursuing a romance further.

Building Relationships with Growing Together

Sims 4 relationships

For players who own the Growing Together expansion pack, Sims 4 relationships suddenly become a lot more complex and nuanced. It’s not as simple as paying attention to current emotions and avoiding being repetitive. Sims now have family dynamics and social preferences that affect how they react to conversations with others.

If Sims are part of the same family, they could have a Difficult or Distant family dynamic. This can make socializing with them difficult. They’re more likely to react negatively to any type of conversation with a Sim they have a Difficult or Distant dynamic with.

Sims 4 relationships

Each Sim also has their own likes and dislikes when it comes to conversation topics and Sim characteristics. If your Sim is a Goofball and the other Sim dislikes Prankster Sims, you’ll have a hard time building a relationship with them. They just don’t like your Sim’s personality, period. It’ll take a lot more effort to become friends with them.

Knowing what Conversation Topics a Sim likes is crucial for fostering Sims 4 relationships. A Sim who hates physical affection will not appreciate being kissed and hugged, for example. You might be surprised at the conversations you can have with this feature. While most Sims would not like being argued with and insulted, if a Sim actually likes malicious interactions and arguments… they might actually enjoy fighting with your Sim!

Now that you know the basics of Sims 4 relationships, get out there and meet some friends! Who knows? You might even meet your future spouse!

And if relationships with people aren’t for you, check out how you can add a pet to your Sim’s family (even if you only own the base game)!

About the author


A cranky old lady who prefers the company of cats and Sims over people. Occasionally peeks out from her lair long enough to chuck Sims articles at innocent bystanders.

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